The internet and social media are full of cute and romantic ideas on how to surprise your partner with the good news. However, this is actually a serious conversation that requires a lot of thought.
Talking about pregnancy and raising your future child together is a special and very emotional moment. This news can elicit a variety of reactions from a partner, even if he is supportive and happy about the news. Don’t be intimidated.
Why is it so complicated?
It doesn’t matter how long you have been together; a baby will radically change your life individually and as a couple. The news that a baby is on the way can stir up deep, unconscious feelings in each of you that might be confusing or uncomfortable. Your responses might not be what you expected.
What do you mean?
You might be completely overjoyed, but your partner might immediately start to list concerns. Or you might want to tell family and friends right away, and he might want to wait.
It’s possible that your reactions will mirror each other, and that’s a great thing! But if your partner’s reaction surprises, baffles, disappoints, or offends you, don’t jump to conclusions or get upset. Even the most connected, happy couples sometimes have different initial responses to the same thing. Don’t feel guilty or ashamed. Consider that your partner might have some unresolved emotional events in his life, even as far back as childhood, that affect his reaction now.
What do I do if we’re not on the same page?
Remember that pregnancy can be a stressful event, even if everyone is happy about it. People have different ways of coping with stress. Neither of you can read the other’s mind, so it’s important to communicate openly, listen well to each other, and seek compromise [1].
What if I want to tell a friend, and he is against it?
There are no rules on this one. If you are really close with a friend, your mom, or your sister, it’s only natural that you want to tell them everything right away. You may want them to know about the baby, and it’s your right to tell them.
But you also need to understand that your partner may be upset by this. He may have different expectations about this moment. Be sure to explain why you want to tell your friend. You may share something like, “We always share everything with each other, and if I don’t tell her now, I’ll feel really anxious until I do. She’s always great at keeping me calm, and she will never tell anyone.” Your partner will likely understand and accept that it’s what you need.
What if we didn’t plan on getting pregnant?
The news about an unexpected pregnancy can provoke all kinds of feelings, from anger and shock to denial or total joy. Sometimes, it’s all of these at once. Your partner’s first reaction is not always an indicator of how he really feels. If he says nothing at first, don’t make him respond. Give him time. When you found out yourself, didn’t you need a little time to absorb your new reality?
